I’ve become more cynical about humans in the past few years. Yes, we have a sincere desire to be good, or better stated, sincere need to be good. Yet our self-interest and rationalization skills plus society’s “morality as a popularity contest” lead us to tolerate and even perpetrate harmful behavior. In particular, I am tired of people who espouse the highest ethical standards yet achieve their moral authority by fiat, in a manner that conveniently protects their self-interest and “good identity.”
By comparison, I much prefer those who are willing to be honest about their self-interest, and if present, the conflict they feel between that and what their ethical inclinations would have them do. It is the unbridled self-interest couched in purported morality that bothers me so, not because of the hypocrisy but because the wounds they inflict come with an implicit “you deserve this.” Because if I didn’t deserve it, such an upstanding moral human obviously wouldn’t have inflicted it!
I have no doubt of the good heart and intentions of these moral-by-fiat individuals. They’re just lacking in certain forms of self-awareness and the humility that comes with it. Plus, they may truly do a great deal of good. But I’m tired of the wounds they inflict, and really tired of seeing them win moral-popularity contests.
But on a brighter note, it is a joy to meet people who embody a self-aware and generous type of kindness. As in, people who have a deep humility despite having every reason to be filled with a prideful (and socially convenient) superiority. This is especially notable in the context of the working world, in which the functional hierarchy (arguably necessary) often turns into an emotional one (as in, people in positions of authority gravitating toward the belief that they really are “above” others). I met somebody like this today — a female CEO many years my junior — and the interaction left me feeling both happy and humbled. I want to be like her when I grow up.
